Inside Small Business » Blog Archive » C-Cubed. A great math formula to resolve conflict.

C-Cubed. A great math formula to resolve conflict.

Inside Small Business | June 8th, 2009

Gary Danoff
Profit Improvement Enterprises, LLC

If you are like me—someone not so great in math—you became a little nervous at thinking this was going to be a math thing. You can calm down. I am not going there. Instead, this little play on math formulas is an easy way to remember two common words that are incredibly useful for dissipating business place conflict.

How often does this happen to you? Someone sends you an email or says something to you that seems offensive, rude, mis-placed, unfounded or simply just wrong in your opinion? Once a week, once a month, once a year? Whatever the frequency, you probably agree it makes you angry.

In fact, you’d probably like to respond by saying something in return like, ‘take a hike’, or, ‘kiss my grits’, or, ‘are you out of your mind?’ to the person coming at you. You may also already know what most often happens if you do that….an explosion. And in truth, not much survives an explosion.

So here’s another option for you. Use the ‘C’ words. Curious, Confused and Concerned. They are neither offensive nor defensive. You will not feel like you are retreating. The person you are speaking to will not feel like you are attacking them. Perfect. Why is this the case? Because as I am going to show you in a moment, these are words of inquiry and curiosity and not accusation. They suggest you are genuinely interested in learning more versus bashing. Here are a couple of examples:

‘(name), I got your (message, email, text, whatever) You said some things that confused me. Could you say a little bit more about what you meant?’.

‘(name), you know, I was curious about your comments you (said or sent in an email, blog, text, etc.). Could you say a bit more about what you intended?

‘(name), I did you get your (message, email, voicemail) and was really concerned to receive it. You seem quite (upset, angry, unsettled) with (name the event the sender referred to) and I want to talk with you more about this. Can you provide more detail?’

This is great. This is going to get the sender to:
1. Step back and relax. In another words, ‘put down your weapon’.

2. Reconsider what they first said or emailed to you.

3. Figure out if what they said or emailed is what they really meant.

4. Be open to your more measured response.

Basically, it gives you and the other person a new beginning of sorts. Take it. Go with it. Check your own frustration at the door. Leave it behind. You will most likely find:

1. They mis-understood something you said.

2. They mis-took something else you intended.

3. They have a legitimate reason to be frustrated or angry with you.

In any of the above cases, using the C words will likely get you to the bottom of it.

Write me at CoachGaryD@aol.com and let me know how it goes for you.

* Gary Danoff is Chief Attitude Officer of his consulting company in Rocvkille, MD, Profit Improvement Enterprises, LLC. Gary helps business owners and salespeople attract and retain delighted customers and employees using R.I.S.E.